Here We Go Again

Published on by cmglife

Oh, here we go again. I’m about to embark on another diet and exercise regimen. All in an effort to get rid of the weight that I hate to admit has been put on and is nearly impossible to get off because of my age.

I was at a party the other night when someone said they didn’t think I had a reason to worry about my weight.

“But, I’ve never been this weight” I said.

There was such an outburst of laughter and statements like “well neither have I” from six or seven women my age. I felt a little naïve.

Naïve or stubborn, I am not giving in.

My new plan is The Fast Diet. I start June 1. That will be my first fast of 500 calories day, two days a week. In between that you are supposed to eat normally (don’t know what that means anymore).

Tristan suggested cardio. Easy for him to say, at 18 he does a 9 mile hike on a whim after working all day or going to school.

For cardio I have decided to use my tread climber which I have used intermittently in the last few years. Second only to the “nine circles of hell of sweating” is the “abyss of boredom”.

The last time I used the machine I had a plan. I bought the audio book of “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I thought it might keep me interested enough to stay on the machine and burn some calories. Hey! Don’t judge! I was curious, there used to be a lot of hype around those books. I listened to it for a while and then got too embarrassed in front of myself to continue. It was more mortifying when I plugged our iPad into my computer to charge it and then later realized the book had synced with my iTunes account.

Note to self: Delete “Fifty Shades of Grey” off the family iPad.

The Perfect Sandal

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This post really is about sandals. Really, no life anecdote or clever comparison to how we live our lives. Seriously, all about shoes and how they can uplift the spirits and confidence level of the wearer.

Strangely though, I tend to be a bit stingy with my shoes. I like a pair and then I wear the hell out of them. I only have about five pair of shoes per season, but they are the best shoes.

Recently I had a pair of wedge sandals that I got so many compliments on. Then the strap broke! Mother’s Day I set off on a mission. OMG my missions are infamous! Not just to me, but to everyone I bore with the search of the perfect “____” fill in the blank. The perfect baptism dress, mother of the bride dress, cousin of the bride dress (bought two of those), funeral dress (found fairy quickly, I must have been channeling Jackie), shoes for the baptism dress and so on and so on.

Amazon came yesterday and I will be displaying the perfect wedge sandal in the office tomorrow, standing, of course!

 

 

Trauma Lite

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Things that stick with me…I have to blame a lot on my delicate mental condition, not everything, but a few things. Does anyone else have situations that haunt them with humiliation years after they have happened? Every once in a while they pop up as a random memory. I dwell on them for a few minutes, realize I am doing it and cast those memories aside. I’m keeping this light, so I’m not going to reveal some of the more traumatic stories.

Here it is: “Traumatic Lite”.

  1. Got so nervous at an interview typing test that the manager questioned if I could even type at all. She was actually mad. Must’ve thought I was trying to pull one over on her. (60 wpm actually.)
  2. Burnt a hole with a cigarette in the seat of John’s new Toyota pickup. Spent all day trying to see if I could replace the upholstery until I finally had to give in and tell him. (I don’t smoke anymore.)
  3. Rear ending a car because my breaks hadn’t been fixed. I pumped as much as I could all while smoking a cigarette, drinking a diet coke and blasting U2 on the stereo. The only thing missing was texting. Thank god they didn’t have that when I was a teenager, I, or someone else, would’ve been dead by now.
  4. A huge fundraiser I had organized. I was supposed to leave my house at 4am. Overslept until 6am. So late I couldn’t take Emily to daycare and had to take her with me. She cried the entire time with the co-worker that had to take her while I ran the event. Then I got “talked to” by my boss.
  5. One boss said to me, “We miss you when you’re not here”. Interpretation: You are taking too many “mental health” days.
  6. Left my VW running in gear with the emergency brake on at my dad’s house. Strangely, it lunged forward and ran straight into my dad’s new siding.
  7. Forgetting my keys and trying to get in the basement window. I pushed on the glass and the whole window fell in. Try explaining that to your husband!

Oh, too many to name. I’m sure everyone’s list is longer than this. Things really haven’t changed. Things like “Wardrobe Malfunctions” and misunderstanding people happen on an almost daily basis.

Standing Up-Date

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I know everyone has been wondering from a post a few weeks ago about my new stand up desk and how it has changed my life.

I suppose it has in a way. I now stand all day.

I’m still getting the occasional question asking how I’m getting along with it. As annoying as my “co-worker” is I know my answers repeated over and over again are getting to her (good).

“I really like it.”

“Don’t notice I’m standing.”

“Good for my back.”

“My neck doesn’t bother me anymore.”

While that is all true, it still hasn’t done what I got it for. After researching it thoroughly I found one can burn 70 – 90 calories per hour while standing.  It still hasn’t put a dent in my weight. Now I wouldn’t go back to sitting again, but how disappointing!

Bottom line, I’m no thinner, but I would certainly recommend a stand up desk anyway, it makes me look taller.

Beauty Week

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This week has been all about me.

Monday I got my hair colored. Tuesday I had my nails manicured and eyebrows waxed.

Now all I need is a pedicure. The last time I did that the guy soaked my feet and then came out with a huge cheese grater for my callouses. How embarrassing! I think I’ll do my feet at home from now on.

I really like the salon I go to, well let me back up there. I really like how my nails turn out at the salon I go to. The salon has a lot to be desired. Most of the time when I’m sitting getting my nails filed a mangy shih tzu with a flat face and sleep encrusted eyes jumps up on my lap. Now don’t get me wrong I like dogs and all that, but this one really gives me the creeps. I don’t like the way it just walks around and jumps up on laps like she owns the place. I assume she is a she because of the mangled pink bow on the top of her tangled head of hair.

The mother of the owner of the salon tried to sell me a weight loss supplement last time. Her accent is so thick at least that is what I thought she was saying. She kept pointing at the packet and then at my stomach telling me I could get rid of it by drinking this stuff. Oh, yeah, that’s really something I’m going to do. I have a cocktail of psychiatric drugs flowing through my system, but I would try a concoction with a friendly face and lotus blossoms on the front just to lose a pound. I know you are thinking I considered it; well I did, but only for a minute! Honestly. And when she’s not pedaling weight loss magic she’s selling egg rolls.

Today was for my beautiful brain; I went to see my psychologist.

Blizzard Conditions

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Ever ended up in a ditch during a blizzard?  I did.

That would’ve been enough for one weekend I think, but oh no, it didn’t begin there.  Being forced into a ditch was only the middle of the trip from hell.  I’ve had some pretty bad days in my life as you can imagine and this was one of my worst.

Let me start at the beginning with driving in freezing fog.  I had the defrost on full blast to help keep the windshield from completely freezing over.

Next there was the aforementioned blizzard.  Snow packed roads and two accidents.

I finally got off the highway only to experience near white out conditions. That is when a Subaru came hurling towards me spinning out of control and forced me into a ditch. I held it together for long enough to call AAA, but after that it was not a pretty sight.  I called John and burst into tears.  I had done everything right the whole trip, I had been so strong and careful, but a sympathetic voice broke through the dam.

I sat there for about 20 minutes until miraculously a man that owned a ranch down the road drove his tractor to me and pulled my car out!  Seriously this happened! Surely my luck had turned.

I took off again, this time the weather slowly got better.  All I had to deal with were a few white out ground blizzards because of the 50 mph wind gusts.  No problem.

I arrived at my destination, found the place easily and pulled in.  I took a couple of deep breaths and reflected just how strong I was during that ordeal.  I had gone through hell and managed to make it out the other side.

Feeling triumphant, although a little shaky, I opened the car door. The wind caught it and it hit the car beside me.

Standing Up

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In an ongoing attempt to get rid of the “middle aged spread” I am getting a stand up desk at work. The office is a buzz with this new piece of futuristic equipment!  I’m not sure why it is such a renegade idea.  So many professions stand all day long.  Waitresses, pharmacists, factory workers, cashiers…the list could be as long as this page.

It hasn’t come yet, but I am getting ready for it’s arrival.  I have ordered a chef’s mat with shock absorbent qualities and arch supports for my shoes.  Not only will it help my health (weight) it will solve that annoying problem of getting up and down from my chair every two minutes to help a student or a parent at the counter.

The anticipation of it’s arrival is killing me!  I’ll let you know as soon as it arrives and begins to transform my life in every aspect!

Cool Assurance

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I was driving 20 mpg  in a school zone outside of the local high school . Two girls, without looking, just walked into the street and in front of my car.

Braking, I said out loud, “Now that takes confidence!”

At first I was annoyed at the arrogance, but the more I thought it turned into envy.  I would love to have that kind of confidence  to walk across the road without feeling I may be flattened by the first car that the driver’s eyes were off the road reaching into their purse for a chapstick.

Breaking Bad in Bed

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Last Saturday I hurt my back by sitting on the floor against the couch.  I was showing John new photos I’d had printed from the computer.  I hadn’t done it in three years or so, I had over 200. Sitting there for only five minutes I felt my lower back begin to strain.

When I finally did get up I started to complain.  Long story short I spent the next day in bed with  ice/heat every 20 minutes and a therapeutic dosage of ibuprofen.

I had to get to work on Monday!  The hammer was coming down on that nagging co-worker I’m always going on about.  I did end up at work only to find out the hammer wasn’t coming until Wednesday!

Alison was great nursing me all day.  John gives it a good try too, but he has such a military bedside manner. Barking out questions:

“Need anything?”  “Here, take this.” “Hungry?” “What do you need?”

Happy ending; rest in bed and a Breaking Bad binge!

To Fold or Not to Fold

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I can only do my laundry in stages. Maybe it’s me or my ADHD  (maybe everyone else does their laundry this way and I am being paranoid as usual).

I do it all on Saturdays or Sundays and sometimes both.  Sort, wash, dry, fold and put away (SWDFPA).  I can’t do it after 4:00 because it will sit and mildew in the washer, too late to get through the SWDFPA cycle.  It’s a regimented chaotic system I have developed.

So, at the end of a long weekend day of SWDFPA, I don’t always get to fold the monstrous pile on the bed.  That really sucks when one has had their allocated two glasses of wine and decides to finally throw in the towel (no pun intended) and go to bed.

It is a vicious circle, a “Catch 22” if you will.  I want to flop into bed because of the laundry yet can’t, because of the laundry.

This is when the fight of wills ensues.  Pull all the clothes to one side and go to bed anyway? It’s worked before…..  Transfer them to the couch? No, I would be a hypocrite. (My husband puts dried clothes on the living room couch which is the reason I will murder him one day.)

Do you know that folding clothes after a couple of glasses of wine really wrecks a good buzz?