I’m finally giving in to my elevating anxiety. My anxiety is starting to swirl again and I’m losing ground. I’ve decided to go to a psychologist. I’ll see if it is me or my medication needs tweaking again. I may even ask for EMDR to help deal with past trauma and a few phobias that are affecting my everyday life and interfering with my family relationships.
It really sucks to have to do this again. Having to repeat what my present problems are and then having to go over my entire life story. I have said it so many times to so many professionals over the years I’m not sure I will even cry or tear up anymore. That at least is a plus.
I have an image of me bringing my medications in a tote and pouring them out on her table and saying, shouldn’t this be enough? I’m 49 soon and I am exhausted. I know I’m not the only one that has this problem of maintaining mental health with Bipolar II. I don’t know why I keep expecting things to work. Maybe I need to give in to the fact there is never going to be a permanent solution and I will have to work on this forever. Why haven’t I ever realized this before? Probably because I felt so good the those six months last year!
This week has been all about me.
Monday I got my hair colored. Tuesday I had my nails manicured and eyebrows waxed.
Now all I need is a pedicure. The last time I did that the guy soaked my feet and then came out with a huge cheese grater for my callouses. How embarrassing! I think I’ll do my feet at home from now on.
I really like the salon I go to, well let me back up there. I really like how my nails turn out at the salon I go to. The salon has a lot to be desired. Most of the time when I’m sitting getting my nails filed a mangy shih tzu with a flat face and sleep encrusted eyes jumps up on my lap. Now don’t get me wrong I like dogs and all that, but this one really gives me the creeps. I don’t like the way it just walks around and jumps up on laps like she owns the place. I assume she is a she because of the mangled pink bow on the top of her tangled head of hair.
The mother of the owner of the salon tried to sell me a weight loss supplement last time. Her accent is so thick at least that is what I thought she was saying. She kept pointing at the packet and then at my stomach telling me I could get rid of it by drinking this stuff. Oh, yeah, that’s really something I’m going to do. I have a cocktail of psychiatric drugs flowing through my system, but I would try a concoction with a friendly face and lotus blossoms on the front just to lose a pound. I know you are thinking I considered it; well I did, but only for a minute! Honestly. And when she’s not pedaling weight loss magic she’s selling egg rolls.
Today was for my beautiful brain; I went to see my psychologist.