I’m finally giving in to my elevating anxiety. My anxiety is starting to swirl again and I’m losing ground. I’ve decided to go to a psychologist. I’ll see if it is me or my medication needs tweaking again. I may even ask for EMDR to help deal with past trauma and a few phobias that are affecting my everyday life and interfering with my family relationships.
It really sucks to have to do this again. Having to repeat what my present problems are and then having to go over my entire life story. I have said it so many times to so many professionals over the years I’m not sure I will even cry or tear up anymore. That at least is a plus.
I have an image of me bringing my medications in a tote and pouring them out on her table and saying, shouldn’t this be enough? I’m 49 soon and I am exhausted. I know I’m not the only one that has this problem of maintaining mental health with Bipolar II. I don’t know why I keep expecting things to work. Maybe I need to give in to the fact there is never going to be a permanent solution and I will have to work on this forever. Why haven’t I ever realized this before? Probably because I felt so good the those six months last year!