It’s a new day, it’s a new life….

I began writing my blog from a need to accept my newly diagnosed self with Bipolar II.  At that time, except for my marriage, that seemed to be my biggest struggle.

I wrote mostly about everyday things with a little humor.  Those were good times.

My posts changed with my mother dying.  The trauma of those two weeks coupled with my broken marriage wreaked havoc with my delicate emotional balance.

The next years became fraught with major life changes.  My youngest daughter’s seizures, my narcissistic ex husband’s affair and the divorce.

I was thinking back to the last year and a half (which I try very hard not to do).  My relationships with my children were falling apart. I was emotionally falling apart.  During this turmoil I was still able to work full time and part time on the weekends, put on a happy face to the world.  I had some bad moments where I was responsible.  I had terrible moments that I was not.  I was out of my abusive co-dependent marriage, but having withdrawals from the tiny crumbs of love that was all I had received for the last 27 years. I was 25 pounds overweight. My medicine was causing trouble and I was drinking a bottle of wine every night.  To add to this pile of misery was my constant drive for perfection in everything from work, family and even the speed of my recovery.  I was a mess.

Now to the present. I am 25 pounds lighter, no more drinking wine every night, medicine stable and relationships repaired.

I’ve still got a ton to fix, but I’m finally coming out the other end and I can tell my stories with humor again.  I can write how I fixed and am fixing so many things.

The most important indication of my new found hope was changing all my passwords to happy words with exclamation marks!

 

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Fascinating

It’s been about 6 weeks since I’ve been free from the tyranny that was John, my husband, now my ex-husband.

I can remember when I became a wife and he became my husband what a kick I got out of saying, “I’ll ask my husband” or “My husband likes that”.  Now I get the same kind of wonder and thrill when I say my ex-husband.  It didn’t take me long at all to stop tripping up and saying “my husband” and having to correct myself “I mean, my ex-husband”.  I know whoever I’m talking to doesn’t care either way, but it is important to me to be clear for my own sake.  I keep expecting to break down into tears when I realize finally that it’s over.  That hasn’t happened in fact I just keep getting happier and more peaceful as each day goes by.

Tonight, he called and said he was coming by with some things I left behind and to give Allison her birthday card.  I said okay and immediately began to try on clothes that make me look thin and young.  Of course, I don’t have any sort of magical clothing that does that, so I settled with a long t-shirt and skinny jeans.  Put my hair up, let it down, put it back up again.  Thought about makeup, decided against it, I mean it was 8pm, makeup wasn’t going to improve me enough to be worth it.

The last time I had seen him was the day I moved and he stood in the doorway of his house and said I couldn’t come in ever again.

This time, at my house, I invited him in and let him look at the kitchen and the living room.  He seemed normal, the way he would treat anyone else.    We chatted a bit the way we always have and then he left.

No rush of emotions either way.

Fascinating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fascinating Article on a Genetic Mutation Linked to Bipolar Disorder

Genetic Mutation Found In 1 Of Every 200 People Linked To Alcoholism, Schizophrenia, And Bipolar Disorder