Tag: ultra-rapid cycling

Empaths, Narcissists, and ADHD

Published on by cmglife

Not only do I suffer from all of the things I suffer from (listed below )I am also an empath. There is a lot of deep and life long suffering due to this one.

I began investigating more on being an empath because of a new situation I find myself in. I’m being moved from my old position at work to a new position (not my decision) with a narcissist as my supervisor.

For this post, I looked around to find guidance incase someone would like to know more. I let out an “oh for goodness sake” coupled with my ever present eye roll when I read this: Empaths, Narcissists, and ADHD

It feels like narcissists hook on to almost anything (that’s why they are narcissists…they infiltrate every possible weakness known to the human condition).

I still haven’t made a good plan yet. I love my job and unlike most of the staff, I get a mental health boost when I’m there. I am really worried about being able to stay if I cannot figure out how to live with this situation 8 hours a day, day after day.

My one plan is to study and practice responses. I’m going to research how being an empath can actually be a positive for me. There has got to be a way to spin this.

This is a complete list of things I have been diagnosed with:

Ultra Rapid Cycling Bipolar 2, Bipolar Depression, ADHD, Complex PTSD, Treatment Resistant Depression, Hypothyroidism, Raynaud’s syndrome, Female

I know “female” isn’t technically a condition, but it does apply here. Whenever I investigate anything I have or think I might have the percentages in our population and severity are always higher for women.

Oh, forgot two other syndromes worth mentioning….BIARW (Believing I am Really Witty) and OOABMW (Only One Amused by My Wittiness).

My Men

Published on by cmglife

I’ve come to the conclusion that the men I choose in my life suck.

The first man to suck was the father of my oldest daughter.  I was just 20. He abandoned us when I gave birth.

The second man, the main man, was John my husband of 28 years.  He is a narcissist.

Unbelievably, I fell in love with the third man just this last July, Rick.  We had known each other since we were teenagers.  He popped up into my life and manipulated me to such a degree even the likes of John and the other guy had never seen.

When the lies were revealed to me I deleted all his texts, photos, etc.  He has only tried to reach me once the next morning and haven’t heard from him since.  There is so much more to this story than the few sentences I have written.  I am so upset by his betrayal that I’m not even able to write about it fully.

My therapist warned me to go slowly.  I honestly tried.  At first I thought I was.  I think my perception of slow is different from other people’s.  It must have something to do with a lifetime of running my four-day ultra-rapid cycling pattern.

I was going slow for me.

In addition to the hate for Rick,  and all the lies he told, I feel used.  I feel violated. I know that word it tossed around and has made us all insensitive to it, but I was in every sense of the word.  The situation this man caused was so horrible it made me miss John.  The night that the bottom fell out of this short relationship I stacked up my pillows in bed and tried to hug them like they were John.  That is so sad I’m tearing up remembering it.

For all the trash I talk about John, I miss him.  He always protected me.  Half the time he was what I needed protection from, but that’s how I felt even though it might not have been true.  It’s normal to still miss him.  I have a crazy unrealistic healing time schedule in my mind.

The advice I’ve been given is to feel what I’m feeling.  It doesn’t mean I want him back. I’ve cried on and off since last Monday.  I don’t even seem to be able to hold tears back even when I want to.  I cry because I miss John, I cry because Rick broke my heart.  I cry because I’m lonely.  I miss my oldest daughter and my son.  I’m crying now.  I’m just so sad.

I’ve got a long road.  I thought I could make it shorter, but it doesn’t work that way.