It’s been about 6 weeks since I’ve been free from the tyranny that was John, my husband, now my ex-husband.
I can remember when I became a wife and he became my husband what a kick I got out of saying, “I’ll ask my husband” or “My husband likes that”. Now I get the same kind of wonder and thrill when I say my ex-husband. It didn’t take me long at all to stop tripping up and saying “my husband” and having to correct myself “I mean, my ex-husband”. I know whoever I’m talking to doesn’t care either way, but it is important to me to be clear for my own sake. I keep expecting to break down into tears when I realize finally that it’s over. That hasn’t happened in fact I just keep getting happier and more peaceful as each day goes by.
Tonight, he called and said he was coming by with some things I left behind and to give Allison her birthday card. I said okay and immediately began to try on clothes that make me look thin and young. Of course, I don’t have any sort of magical clothing that does that, so I settled with a long t-shirt and skinny jeans. Put my hair up, let it down, put it back up again. Thought about makeup, decided against it, I mean it was 8pm, makeup wasn’t going to improve me enough to be worth it.
The last time I had seen him was the day I moved and he stood in the doorway of his house and said I couldn’t come in ever again.
This time, at my house, I invited him in and let him look at the kitchen and the living room. He seemed normal, the way he would treat anyone else. We chatted a bit the way we always have and then he left.
No rush of emotions either way.