I started this blog because I needed to talk about my life anonymously after being diagnosed with a mental illness that caused me shame and devastation. Well, that is how I saw it back then.

Today, I feel different than I have in a great while.

I have not been able to write honestly about some events in my life in the last few years because to write about things, I would have to think about them.

All I am doing today is crying. Not quite sure why. It may be built-up stress, disappointment, and a bit of loneliness. I just contradicted myself; I do know why I have been crying all day.

So why not take advantage of this crying day I thought?

Here is the the update from the last few years in the quickest and most vaguest way possible:

My dad almost died two years ago. My sister and daughter lied about everything to do with his care. I realized they were gaslighting me, and worse still, I was gaslighting myself (all my life, it turns out).

I lost a promotion to a younger, less experienced person. I needed the position because I knew my position might be eliminated due to school budget cuts. I had to work with her, feeling humiliated, all year.

My new supervisor made my life miserable. She was jealous because I succeeded every time she set me up to fail.

My dad got very sick again and died. He suffered so much because of the neglect from my sister. No one can convince me otherwise—neglect partly from denying me access.

Just as I had predicted, I lost my job. I have been looking for work since May. It is not going well.

What is still a constant weight is that my sister and daughter continue to alienate me. I do not know my grandchildren. They preach Jesus, but these are the people who give Christianity a bad name.

I do not want to say anything positive today. Next time.