After drinking wine disguised in a mug last weekend I decided I should do something about my habit. I stopped drinking on Monday.
Yesterday after an argument with John, I decided a nice glass of wine would be just right, and since I hadn’t drank in two days I could do it. I went to the store on the way home and bought a box of wine. If I needed a glass it would be there. Turns out I didn’t need it! Yippee!
The deeper question has yet to be asked, “Is it a habit or a dependency?”
I think it may be too soon to tell. I’ve been drinking wine every night for the past five years. It coincided with the beginning of my medication for Bipolar II. I used it as a way to make me feel something because the medication seemed to squash my feelings. Now I feel great with my cocktail (no pun intended) and enough time has gone by that I have adjusted to the new me.
Of course, the ultimate goal is always to lose weight 🙂 and that side effect will be welcomed with open arms.
What a monumental task it is to get into the groove of your life after a setback. Everyone has different setbacks and I’m sure there are some people who have no setbacks or at least will never admit it to themselves.
My setbacks always seemed to have to do with mood swings which I used to put down to PMS. It is amazing all the things a woman with undiagnosed mental illness can blame on the ebb and flow of normal female hormones.
The recent setback I had was going off Abilify. My doctor thought he might be duplicating the effect of medication because he had just upped the dosages on two of the others I’m taking. We agreed to try it. I was all gung ho because I wondered if it was the reason for my weight gain. He didn’t have to ask me twice!
I was fine for the first week except for the withdrawal symptoms, excessive sweating and dizziness. I was asking everyone in the office; is it hot in here or is it me? They were all convinced I was having premenopausal hot flashes.
Luckily, I had asked my doctor the last time I had a bout of depression what were the signs to watch for. I can’t decipher the difference between what I’m feeling and what should be normal. He gave me a simple parameter to follow: If you feel like you don’t want to wake up the next morning it’s time to call me.
This time I was feeling a lot of anxiety and depression, but as usual I wanted to be macho and try to face it. Again, what is me and what is normal? I started taking the Abilify again last Saturday and I am already looking back in amazement. The person I am today, literally today…October 27 and the person I was last week are like night and day.
I am constantly grateful that I am living in this day and age, found the right doctor and have health insurance. Life is good.
anincidentallife.com 
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