Tag: adam lambert

Lost in Lambert

Published on by cmglife2 Comments

The day had finally arrived!  The Adam Lambert concert was finally here!

The concert was downtown, an added, but not insurmountable challenge.  I took the extra precaution of reading their website about parking.  They had their own parking garage on the block next to them. They were making this really easy.  I have managed to get my “parknaphobia” under control for the most part, but just in case I entered the address of their parking lot into my map app.

My well-orchestrated plan when off without a hitch except until we got lost looking for the theater. By the way, using your map app does not work when walking.  All it did was confuse me more. After wandering around for 10 minutes I asked a couple for directions.  We still arrived there with plenty of time to spare.

The show was amazing!  Adam’s voice was just as good in concert as on his recordings.  The lights, music and sound were great!  We loved every minute of it.

I’m not a demonstrative person by any stretch of the imagination, but I did stand, clap and sway a bit during the concert. I even yelled a few “wa hoos”.   My outside appearance didn’t give away the excitement and utter joy I was experiencing.

I had expected old ladies and young teenagers to be the only ones there.  I was surprised by the mix of couples, children, teenagers, young women and there were some gay men.

A very enthusiastic, dressed to the nines 65+ sat next to me.  She danced through each song like it was his last (or hers).  At one point she nudged me with her shoulder and asked, “Are you a Glambert?”

“Uhhh, I don’t think so,” I said. I do know what the term is, but I’ve never been comfortable being one.  Most of my family just loves to rub it in though.

It was about 11pm when the concert ended.  Leaving the theater we followed the throng of concert goers headed toward the parking garage.

When we got there nothing looked familiar.  The colors were all wrong and the building didn’t have the numbers “410” on the outside of the building. After feeling like I was losing my mind for a moment I figured it out I must have driven into wrong garage thinking it was the theater’s garage!  The problem? I didn’t know where my car was because the only address I had was the theater’s garage.

We started walking confidently looking for our garage. We were in such a good mood from the show that we were even joking about what a good story this would make.  I mean how many garages could there be in this area? We were being naive about the severity of our situation.

While setting out on our quest, were realized that we couldn’t retrace our steps because as I wrote in the beginning, we got lost on the way to the theater!

We walked around and around downtown in the dark of midnight looking for the #$%*! garage with the “410” on it’s wall.  As if you couldn’t tell, I am terrible at navigation.  Not just regular “I’m not good with directions” kind of terrible,  I have been known to turn down the wrong street driving home.

Slowly our dire situation began to unveil itself!  I am a woman, you know that, and I had my very beautiful 13 year old daughter with me.  I felt a little vulnerable. Some of the blocks we went down were dark and having to cross to the other side to avoid homeless men sleeping on the sidewalks was really making me afraid for our safety.

Allison kept telling me she recognized some things from our walk to the theater.  Instead of letting her guide me I kept saying things like “let’s just take a look around this corner” and “no, I’m sure that’s not right”.

After 45 minutes or so of this I was beginning to worry.  My only hope was to find policeman.  They would know what to do.  Instead I found an angel disguised as a bicycle rickshaw operator.  As a side note, he looked like Robert Plant.

With great reluctance I explained our dilemma. Strangely, his face lit up and he said he loved a good challenge!  He offered to drive us around the area looking for the garage.  As Allison and I climbed into the seats I glanced across the street.  There it was on the wall ….the numbers “410”. I honestly could’ve kissed our angel /Robert Plant impersonator!  I gave him a tip and he waited until we drove out of the garage before he rode off.  What a great person. He really made an impression on me.

There is a silver lining to this story.  Allison and I never once gave up, panicked, cried or argued.  We just kept on going.  I also must give credit to Allison.  Almost from the start she recognized businesses and landmarks.  I think if I hadn’t found the rickshaw driver first we would’ve ran into it ourselves because of Allison.  That was a good lesson for me, I need to trust her more now.

It was 12pm when we finally got to the car.  I hugged Allison and drove home.

When I retold this story to family and friends, my family wasn’t particularly surprised. In fact I think it was Tristan who said,” So just another day for you?”

“The Great Christmas Crash of 2015”

Published on by cmglife

I have been going to post around ten times in the last month. Each time starting, writing a line and giving up. I just haven’t been able to express myself in the same way since “The Great Crash of Christmas 2015”.

To bring you up to speed of my saga, I was suffering from tardive dyskinesia (uncontrolled muscle movement), a side effect of Abilify.  I had an urge to clench and un-clench my right leg and tap my left foot. My doctor and I decided to go off Abilify. Two weeks later I had a depressive meltdown. I went the next day to my psychiatrist and I started on Seroquel.

I was doing fine on that for about another two weeks until the depression hit again. I had no idea how bad I really was. The week of Christmas was a nightmare for me. The in-laws were here, my mom had died at Christmas just last year, Emily and kids weren’t there and my sister and Dad weren’t coming. I would excuse myself every night at 6 o’clock, go to my bedroom and drink wine. That didn’t put a dent in my mood. That should’ve been a clue, but still it wasn’t.

One morning I had a meltdown very similar to the last one six weeks ago. I called my dr to get in and he was out of the office on vacation. I couldn’t help crying on the phone to the receptionist. How humiliating. She gave me his cell number and I was too embarrassed to call so I texted asking for him to call at his earliest convenience. That’s right I was on the verge of suicide, but had the wherewithal to mind my manners.

He doubled my dosage of Seroquel. After a few days staying in bed watching every English mystery on Netflix , I finally felt better. John was amazing during this time. I will have to do a follow up on my new marriage soon.

After being on a prescription roller-coaster for the last three months all I can do now is stay the course and try to keep the fear at bay. I sometimes forget that even though medicated and a hell of a lot better, I still have a bipolar disorder to wrangle each day.

Hopefully I am back again, I would say normal, but that would be ridiculous.

[More to come, the rut of all ruts, drinking, medicinal weight gain, the turnaround of an abusive marriage, Adam Lambert, etc.  So much finally to  write about.]

 

I Miss Nonsense

Published on by cmglife2 Comments

Gosh, I just realized how much my blog has taken a turn for the dark and depressing.

Remember the nonsense posts of Breaking Records, Dancing Queen, The Creamer and Wine Diet and Pretty Boy Crushes to name a few?

They were the posts of the good old days when I was only battling my bi-polar condition and medication. I wasn’t level enough to have handled my mom’s dying at that time. I certainly couldn’t have faced up to my abusive marriage and actually planning to leave instead of just fantasizing about it.

There must have been such a pile up of things that could only happened while I am well enough to deal with them.  It must be God’s way of giving me only what I can handle.

Not to worry, I’ll get my old posts back as soon as my life stops “playing catch up”.

Favorite Christmas

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We’re having a favorites Christmas this year so I’m finding out what each person’s favorite foods are. There are some parameters, I am assigning them a food group; appetizer, hors d’oeuvres,  dessert, etc.  Everyone has given in to my wonderful Christmas tradition except my daughter Emily. I told her she was either with us or against us. I’m sorry but I had to get tough. She finally picked sticky toffee pudding and was quite put out until she realized that Aunty Ellen would make it.

No one knows it yet, but I am putting together a slideshow of everyone’s favorite music and play it on the TV during our Christmas celebration. I know in the past there has been a little resistance to my music. Maybe they just like giving me hell, but this should shut them up (Christmas spirit)!

I have been trying to weave the questions “What is your favorite musician?” into conversations. I asked John while we were in Vegas. He said The Zac Brown Band.

“What’s your favorite?” he asked and rolled his eyes.

“ U2, of course, but now I love Adam Lambert as well.”

“Oh yeah, he’s really good.”

What???? Did I actually hear John say he thought Adam Lambert was really good?

He must’ve had too much Vegas and too much to drink and thought I said Miranda Lambert.

Full Circle

Published on by cmglife

I was going to write about my juice fast I’ve been on for four days. I say, I was, until I realized how I must be boring everyone with diet after diet.

I thought I’d write about my son, 18, who just graduated and has overnight turned into a horrible version of himself. More of the same, dull.

How about my bipolar II condition? Then I thought, do I capitalize the “b” in bipolar and do I use roman numerals for the “II” or the numeral “2”.

Obviously, sidetracked I started to write about my love of Adam Lambert and U2 (do you know I met Bono) (yes, yes, I did!).  Adam’s next (dare to dream)!

I wrote about the silly predicaments I get myself into. For instance, I kept biting the inside of my lip every time I cheated and ate on the four day juice fast (Karma I think). It’s going to take at least four days to heal!

See, somehow I have written about all the same boring things, but I have come full circle. That makes me feel better, you know, finishing things.

Dancing Queen

Published on by cmglife

I used to be a great dancer on the floors of 3.2 clubs back in the 80’s.  Oh, yeah, I had the moves.  I was all decked out in the slouch boots, mini dress with a hip belt. Looking like a Madonna knock off.  I had the mile high bangs and bangles. Good times.

I don’t know what I would now days if a good song came on and I felt like dancing.  I’m not even talking about in front of someone; I mean alone. Just me, the house and my headphones.  The best I can do is walk across the house to the “beat” while I’m cleaning.  Pathetic.

What if I wanted to go to a concert?  What would I do? Stand there and just clap?  Are you going to a concert you ask? Well, no, but if I was…. I love to worry about things that aren’t happening.  I do have to be prepared for every situation you see.

So if I did have tickets to a concert to… I don’t know, to someone like…oooh I don’t know…Adam Lambert?   Do I go on YouTube and look for a how to dance video?  Yes, I do.  The only problem is they are all for young women.  While I do feel young at heart I don’t think the rest of the world sees me quite in the same light.

I need to figure out how to move in a mature but not “mature” manner .  God, that last sentence made me sound old.

I’ve got it! Can I just do the old sway with a lighter move? Do you think that will that pass as dancing?

Pretty Boy Crushes

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My first celebrity crush was Tommy Shaw from Styx.  My sister had their first album and at 12 I was transfixed by his pretty boy looks.

Then there was Jim Morrison.  Adam Ant. Prince (disturbing, but true). I had a crush on a real life person for many years, an ex-boyfriend of mine.

Bono, need I say more?  At least I actually met him.  Shook his hand, twice!  Also, met The Edge. Shook his hand too!

More recently was Johnny Depp.  That crush kept going for a couple of years.  It faded and I tossed him to the curb.

I was really feeling empty until, Adam Lambert. My newest pretty boy crush. I know, he’s gay, which sucks for him and me.  Star crossed lovers is what we are. He is so completely gorgeous and talented I can’t believe he can’t and won’t ever be in the running.  How can a straight woman have a crush on a gay man?  Don’t know.

In a life like mine a little fantasy is a harmless outlet.  Sex, drugs and alcohol have their merits, but having a harmless crush on someone can be quite therapeutic.  They don’t demand anything from you, you can deny them when you are not in the mood and when you have moved on you don’t have to break the news to them.  In fact you can be quite cruel which in itself can be freeing and satisfying.  There is no splitting of the assets, the children or the pets. It’s a perfect arrangement.

There is the little thing that they don’t know you exist.  I realize that, but in my case a handshake will do.

17 Years

Published on by cmglife

Recently I thought, “I think Alex would have loved Adam Lambert.  I think he would have thought he was beautiful.”

I miss my best friend Alex.  I don’t think about him every day anymore, that bothered me when I realized it.

He did not think he could take life anymore and killed himself 17 years ago.  I remember the day like it was yesterday, but on the other hand it shocks me sometimes when I realize he’s really not here anymore.  I don’t want to write about a lot of sad things and try to extract deep emotions from you, except maybe a giggle.  Alex would not have minded, he was irreverent to say the least. This was the man that dressed as a pregnant Linda Ronstadt for Halloween.  Those size 13 pumps were really something to see!

Missing Alex made me realize I miss having a gay friend.  I think I’ll have to go out and get one.  It can’t be that hard.  I am a girl after all.

I miss that sense of fun and joy that only a gay man and a straight woman can experience.  I think, for me, it is finally feeling understood by a man.  And for the man maybe an intimate look into femininity? Come on gay men, help me out here, what is it?

A couple of weeks ago I thought my luck had changed and I had fallen head over heels for a gay man again. Alas, it turned out he is just a nerd and a married nerd to boot.  I mean from the Big Bang Theory nerd.  He is a live action role playing (LARP to those of you that are in the know), War Craft on line, making swords for his outfit for the “ren” fair nerd.  If shortening The Renaissance Fair is not a dead giveaway of a through and through nerd I don’t know what is.  Though I am strangely fascinated with him, it’s not the same.

I’m not a spring chicken hanging out at the clubs anymore, so where does a seasoned mature woman find a man of the “musical” persuasion (Alex’s terminology, not mine)? It’s hard to meet anyone interesting when all you are doing is working with children, coming home to children, carpooling children, you get it.  I can’t just walk into a gay bar and start picking up men. Or could I?

I wonder if Adam Lambert is lonely.