Category: humor

Ramblings

Published on by cmglife

I tend to ramble just a bit; I’ve been this way all my life, blurting out anything that is on my mind.  I am actually a lot better at using a filter than I used to be so I don’t have as many of these stories as I used to.  It’s one thing doing it with family, but it is totally embarrassing when you start doing it to other random people in your life.

I am very good friends with two of my office co-workers.  The other day we were walking through the halls on some important mission when out of the blue…

Me:        So, do you think I’m too old for a side ponytail?

They both looked at me as if I’d asked them for a ménage trio.

Them:   Why?

Me:        Well, Allison gave me one last night, I liked it, she wears one and she is eleven.  Plus, I don’t want to be matchy matchy with her.

I still haven’t had the nerve to actually go out in public with one yet.  I did and then changed my mind in the car.  That really hurt. Have you ever tried to drag a side ponytail over to the middle again?  You get all those little hairs caught in the hair tie and there’s nothing to be done except pull them and feel the pain.

Skinny Bitch

Published on by cmglife

My dad told me recently that I am becoming a little cantankerous.  You know, speaking my mind, lashing out.  He thinks it might be because I work in a middle school and have to deal with all kinds of situations and it has caused me to develop an itchy trigger finger.  He may be right about that, but I don’t think so.

I think I’m becoming a skinny bitch.

Skinny bitches are one’s with the attitude because they can fit into a pair of jeans that are at least 20 years younger than they should be wearing.  That may not be the exact definition.

My husband commented that my new jeans are “really low” (low rise).  He can’t get past the fact that I am not wearing 80’s mom jeans.  Though these may be pushing it, I am thrilled I can actually wear them.

I’ve developed a weird body builder quirk.  I’m not by any stretch of the imagination saying that I am a body builder I am just acting like one, I guess.  This is just getting weirder and weirder, maybe it’s the steroids.

If there is someone acting like they are skeptical of my workouts (real or imagined I’m not sure) I’ll ask them to feel my bicep. And then I say, “And I’m not even flexing!”

Oh God, now that I’ve actually written this down I realize how insane I am acting. And yet still surprised!