Tag: life

Trauma Lite

Published on by cmglife2 Comments

Things that stick with me…I have to blame a lot on my delicate mental condition, not everything, but a few things. Does anyone else have situations that haunt them with humiliation years after they have happened? Every once in a while they pop up as a random memory. I dwell on them for a few minutes, realize I am doing it and cast those memories aside. I’m keeping this light, so I’m not going to reveal some of the more traumatic stories.

Here it is: “Traumatic Lite”.

  1. Got so nervous at an interview typing test that the manager questioned if I could even type at all. She was actually mad. Must’ve thought I was trying to pull one over on her. (60 wpm actually.)
  2. Burnt a hole with a cigarette in the seat of John’s new Toyota pickup. Spent all day trying to see if I could replace the upholstery until I finally had to give in and tell him. (I don’t smoke anymore.)
  3. Rear ending a car because my breaks hadn’t been fixed. I pumped as much as I could all while smoking a cigarette, drinking a diet coke and blasting U2 on the stereo. The only thing missing was texting. Thank god they didn’t have that when I was a teenager, I, or someone else, would’ve been dead by now.
  4. A huge fundraiser I had organized. I was supposed to leave my house at 4am. Overslept until 6am. So late I couldn’t take Emily to daycare and had to take her with me. She cried the entire time with the co-worker that had to take her while I ran the event. Then I got “talked to” by my boss.
  5. One boss said to me, “We miss you when you’re not here”. Interpretation: You are taking too many “mental health” days.
  6. Left my VW running in gear with the emergency brake on at my dad’s house. Strangely, it lunged forward and ran straight into my dad’s new siding.
  7. Forgetting my keys and trying to get in the basement window. I pushed on the glass and the whole window fell in. Try explaining that to your husband!

Oh, too many to name. I’m sure everyone’s list is longer than this. Things really haven’t changed. Things like “Wardrobe Malfunctions” and misunderstanding people happen on an almost daily basis.

Standing Up-Date

Published on by cmglife

I know everyone has been wondering from a post a few weeks ago about my new stand up desk and how it has changed my life.

I suppose it has in a way. I now stand all day.

I’m still getting the occasional question asking how I’m getting along with it. As annoying as my “co-worker” is I know my answers repeated over and over again are getting to her (good).

“I really like it.”

“Don’t notice I’m standing.”

“Good for my back.”

“My neck doesn’t bother me anymore.”

While that is all true, it still hasn’t done what I got it for. After researching it thoroughly I found one can burn 70 – 90 calories per hour while standing.  It still hasn’t put a dent in my weight. Now I wouldn’t go back to sitting again, but how disappointing!

Bottom line, I’m no thinner, but I would certainly recommend a stand up desk anyway, it makes me look taller.

Peace of Mind

Published on by cmglife

It wasn’t so bad at first.  I could cope with the gum smacking and the loud voice.  Well, actually that is a lie.  Nice, I’ve started out my maudlin plea with a lie.  I hate this person…how’s that for the truth? I’ll start out again.

Six months ago it began.  It wasn’t so bad at first.  A little loud and talked a lot, but as time went on more annoying and downright obnoxious behavior surfaced.  A flippant attitude to the kids, talking with mouth full, sweats stuffed into slippers, loud personal calls, gossiping and on and on and on.

All of this only three feet from my desk. I have to force myself not to roll my eyes and sigh half the day.

How is a quiet, polite, professional, anxiety ridden bipolar II woman supposed to handle this day in and day out? Seven hours a day!  I am either a zombie or a nervous wreck by the time I get home.

My doctor thinks the combination of this person and my friend dying has been too much on my poor little brain and it’s buckling under the added stress.  Unnecessary anxiety attacks.

I’m tired of persevering.  I don’t know whether I deserve it or not, but I just want a little peace of mind.

Average Day

Published on by cmglife

Pretty average day today.

My new “Four Day Diet” book arrived in the mail. I started to read it, then skimmed through the fluff and got right down to the diet menus. I was typing out a shopping list, but couldn’t read the computer with my reading glasses on and couldn’t read the book without the readers! Tried to wear them halfway down my nose, but then I couldn’t breath. Taking them on and off again was pulling my hair. It took me at least half an hour longer to do this task than it should have (similar to telling this story).

Allison is sick today so I kept her company by watching “Pretty Little Liars” with her. Not that watching it wasn’t bad enough, she kept pausing the show every few minutes to explain the characters and plot to me.

Went to the grocery store and put three yogurts into a strange man’s basket even though he was saying, “Excuse, me. Excuse, me!”

I finally looked up and saw it was not my husband after all, just a doppelganger (bet you don’t know the last time you’ve used that term).

Got home, unloaded the car and dropped a jar of Ragu in the driveway.

Yeah, that’s about it.