Tag: humor

I’m Going to Adam Lambert!

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I’ve got tickets to the Adam Lambert concert in a few weeks!  You can’t possibly know how excited I am!  Picture me skipping.

The last concert I went to was U2.  Yes, a very far cry from Adam Lambert.  Whereas Bono’s lyrics soothe my hectic mind, Adam Lambert’s voice does.

When I found out he was coming to my city, I felt sad and disappointed because I didn’t think I could get anyone to go with me.  About 15 years ago I got free tickets to Duran Duran (big fan).  I convinced my sister to go with me, but I knew then it was a one-time deal.

That night I, Allison, Tristan and Tristan’s girlfriend, Addie, were in the living room hanging out. I was going to spring it on them, but my timing had to be perfect.

I asked Allison first.  She shot me down.  I explained how much fun concerts are and she would have a great time.  “But not with my mom!” she said. She’s fourteen by the way.

“Tristan, would you go?” I asked enthusiastically.  Tristan tends to be a little eccentric sometimes so I really did think I had a chance.

“I can’t go to an Adam Lambert concert! Isn’t he gay?”he asked.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go.  I know I’ll be beating the men off with a stick, but I really can’t go by myself, “I said “Anyway, most of the crowd will be middle aged women and teenage girls.  See, Allison, we would fit right in!”

Next on to Addie…”How about it Addie?  Would you go with me?”

“You bet, I’d love to go!  Let me check my calendar!”, and shbegan looking at her phone.

Tristan says, “Addie I didn’t know you liked him.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s gorgeous!”

Wow! I had no idea! Wait, not so fast!

“You like Adam Lambert?” asked a disbelieving Tristan.

“Oh, I thought you said Adam Levine!”

Poor Adam, he is either getting mixed up with Levine or Miranda.

 

“The Great Christmas Crash of 2015”

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I have been going to post around ten times in the last month. Each time starting, writing a line and giving up. I just haven’t been able to express myself in the same way since “The Great Crash of Christmas 2015”.

To bring you up to speed of my saga, I was suffering from tardive dyskinesia (uncontrolled muscle movement), a side effect of Abilify.  I had an urge to clench and un-clench my right leg and tap my left foot. My doctor and I decided to go off Abilify. Two weeks later I had a depressive meltdown. I went the next day to my psychiatrist and I started on Seroquel.

I was doing fine on that for about another two weeks until the depression hit again. I had no idea how bad I really was. The week of Christmas was a nightmare for me. The in-laws were here, my mom had died at Christmas just last year, Emily and kids weren’t there and my sister and Dad weren’t coming. I would excuse myself every night at 6 o’clock, go to my bedroom and drink wine. That didn’t put a dent in my mood. That should’ve been a clue, but still it wasn’t.

One morning I had a meltdown very similar to the last one six weeks ago. I called my dr to get in and he was out of the office on vacation. I couldn’t help crying on the phone to the receptionist. How humiliating. She gave me his cell number and I was too embarrassed to call so I texted asking for him to call at his earliest convenience. That’s right I was on the verge of suicide, but had the wherewithal to mind my manners.

He doubled my dosage of Seroquel. After a few days staying in bed watching every English mystery on Netflix , I finally felt better. John was amazing during this time. I will have to do a follow up on my new marriage soon.

After being on a prescription roller-coaster for the last three months all I can do now is stay the course and try to keep the fear at bay. I sometimes forget that even though medicated and a hell of a lot better, I still have a bipolar disorder to wrangle each day.

Hopefully I am back again, I would say normal, but that would be ridiculous.

[More to come, the rut of all ruts, drinking, medicinal weight gain, the turnaround of an abusive marriage, Adam Lambert, etc.  So much finally to  write about.]

 

I Miss Nonsense

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Gosh, I just realized how much my blog has taken a turn for the dark and depressing.

Remember the nonsense posts of Breaking Records, Dancing Queen, The Creamer and Wine Diet and Pretty Boy Crushes to name a few?

They were the posts of the good old days when I was only battling my bi-polar condition and medication. I wasn’t level enough to have handled my mom’s dying at that time. I certainly couldn’t have faced up to my abusive marriage and actually planning to leave instead of just fantasizing about it.

There must have been such a pile up of things that could only happened while I am well enough to deal with them.  It must be God’s way of giving me only what I can handle.

Not to worry, I’ll get my old posts back as soon as my life stops “playing catch up”.

So Long 2003 Subaru Outback

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subaru-outback-l.l.bean-08I just got a new car. The old one got me through so many weather jams I am grateful for the 11 years it gave me.  That old green 2003 Outback will be missed. No car payments will be missed.

You know what will not be missed?

Headlights going out when the emergency brake light goes on while driving down the interstate.

Not having any dash lights and having to see the speedometer while going under a street light or following (a safe distance) behind someone else.

Front end grinding and knocking.

Juice stained carpets.

Juice stained ceilings.

Juice stained seats.

Knocked out front fog light from when Emily scraped a parked car.

Hole in back bumper when I drove over a generator.

A “My Child is an Honor Student” in middle school bumper sticker (oh, yes I was one of those parents). Since Tristan was 14, I’ve been trying to get it off.  Goo Be Gone and then finally a chisel. Tristan is now 18 and still no dice.

The poor old green thing has been replaced by a dark grey 2015 Outback. Unfortunately, the new car smell has been replaced by Chick-Fil-A, Starbucks and poodle.

Cooking Day Fiasco

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Today I began cooking a month’s worth of dinners. I’ve done a couple of weeks worth before, but never this big of an undertaking. I started last night.

Since I had a boat load of veggies to chop I bought a new razor sharp knife.  I was almost finished chopping buckets of onions when I started talking to Tristan.  Yep, you guessed it, I cut myself.

I spent 30 minutes sittinIMG_2033-1g in the living room trying to stop the bleeding.

I decided to pack it in for the night and slipped the knife into the soapy water in the sink.  I then forgot said knife was lurking beneath the dirty water.  I put my hand in to find the cutlery on the bottom and cut my other hand!

I spent another 30 minutes sitting in the living room trying to stop the bleeding.

Today, with the addition of band-aids on two fingers, I started cooking ingredients I had so diligently prepped the day before.  I looked down at one point and one of the band-aids was missing!!!  I had only made three dishes so I dug through them all.  I couldn’t find it!  I looked on the floor, in the trash and the sink of soapy water (minus the knife this time) to no avail.  I debated what to do…could I get away with it? No, I had to throw the three dishes away.

Finished the cooking and took Allison to an orthodontic appointment.  I had been sitting in the waiting room for ten minutes or so when the reception said to someone, “Do you smell onions?”

Ha!

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alex-gregory-could-we-up-the-dosage-i-still-have-feelings-new-yorker-cartoon

Favorite Christmas

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We’re having a favorites Christmas this year so I’m finding out what each person’s favorite foods are. There are some parameters, I am assigning them a food group; appetizer, hors d’oeuvres,  dessert, etc.  Everyone has given in to my wonderful Christmas tradition except my daughter Emily. I told her she was either with us or against us. I’m sorry but I had to get tough. She finally picked sticky toffee pudding and was quite put out until she realized that Aunty Ellen would make it.

No one knows it yet, but I am putting together a slideshow of everyone’s favorite music and play it on the TV during our Christmas celebration. I know in the past there has been a little resistance to my music. Maybe they just like giving me hell, but this should shut them up (Christmas spirit)!

I have been trying to weave the questions “What is your favorite musician?” into conversations. I asked John while we were in Vegas. He said The Zac Brown Band.

“What’s your favorite?” he asked and rolled his eyes.

“ U2, of course, but now I love Adam Lambert as well.”

“Oh yeah, he’s really good.”

What???? Did I actually hear John say he thought Adam Lambert was really good?

He must’ve had too much Vegas and too much to drink and thought I said Miranda Lambert.

Sin City – Day 2

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We were all ready to go by 4:30 for the cab ride out to the speedway. I kept checking my phone for weather updates. My forecast read 46 for night time. 75% of the people on our team were from North Dakota and the rest (John and I) had just come from -1. A night time temperature of 46 degrees! I almost wore my swimsuit under the fleece coat, hat, boots, mittens and scarf.

At the speedway, the cars started roaring around the track like something out of Mad Max; armored body and huge tires in the front.  The cars left a big billow cloud of dust behind them. It got in my eyes, mouth and nose. I thought at first I was the only one who was bothered until I saw several people wearing ski goggles.

I did so much arbitrary drinking while I was in Vegas. It didn’t matter where or what time it was. I had Bailey’s in my coffee at the track, but then I think it made me nauseous watching the race cars go round and round.

In between races there was nothing to do except drink “coffee” and talk about engines. As much as I love that topic, Ashley kept me interested with tales from the Midwest in a small North Dakota town. Why do I never hear stories like these from my friends? These were really juicy. Pregnancies, infidelity, divorce, custody, drugs and you name it from Jerry Springer and it was happening to someone she knew.

At midnight it was finally over! John called a cab.  We were so close to going back to our hotel room! The taxi service said they would be out in 20 minutes so we began walking through hundreds of cars and campers parked in “the pit”.  As we arrived at the gate a taxi pulled up.  I grabbed for the door handle before the cab came to a stop. After a few comments on how quick the cab driver had gotten there it was obvious we had someone else’s cab. I didn’t say anything! I needed to get out of there…

“Sorry, sucker, I’m taking this cab!”

My sister said I had lost all human decency at that race.

Momentary Setback

Published on by cmglife

What a monumental task it is to get into the groove of your life after a setback. Everyone has different setbacks and I’m sure there are some people who have no setbacks or at least will never admit it to themselves.

My setbacks always seemed to have to do with mood swings which I used to put down to PMS. It is amazing all the things a woman with undiagnosed mental illness can blame on the ebb and flow of normal female hormones.

The recent setback I had was going off Abilify. My doctor thought he might be duplicating the effect of medication because he had just upped the dosages on two of the others I’m taking. We agreed to try it.  I was all gung ho because I wondered if it was the reason for my weight gain.  He didn’t have to ask me twice!

I was fine for the first week except for the withdrawal symptoms, excessive sweating and dizziness. I was asking everyone in the office; is it hot in here or is it me? They were all convinced I was having premenopausal hot flashes.

Luckily, I had asked my doctor the last time I had a bout of depression what were the signs to watch for. I can’t decipher the difference between what I’m feeling and what should be normal. He gave me a simple parameter to follow: If you feel like you don’t want to wake up the next morning it’s time to call me.

This time I was feeling a lot of anxiety and depression, but as usual I wanted to be macho and try to face it. Again, what is me and what is normal? I started taking the Abilify again last Saturday and I am already looking back in amazement. The person I am today, literally today…October 27 and the person I was last week are like night and day.

I am constantly grateful that I am living in this day and age, found the right doctor and have health insurance.   Life is good.

Saving the Big Bucks at Sephora

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I’ve started to save money to go to England again.  I’ve been trimming all over the place. I stopped getting my nails done. I’m going to try to color my own hair. Cutting back on clothes will be easy because I refuse to go up a size and right now that is where I am.   Shaving off dollars here and there will allow me to get to my goal.

The decision to save has set off a domino effect of expenses.

My soda stream broke! I suppose I can do without it, but why should I have to? I work very hard,  I should be able to enjoy the finer things in life like homemade sparkling water, shouldn’t I?

My laptop crashed, big time. It’s about 4 years old and the screen is being held to the body with mustache patterned duct tape I borrowed from Allison. I tried to turn in on. It said “bleep” and was gone.

Lost my camera. I laid it down at the park and didn’t realize until the other day!

Those are the things I didn’t have any control over. The problem also lies with things I can’t control myself from.

Two weeks ago I was in need of new liquid foundation. I had originally planned to go to Walgreens. That was a step up from Walmart, but I thought I was worth it. So, of course, I ended up at Sephora instead. Emily decided to get her makeup matched by a computer and applied by one of the make up artists. I jumped right in and ended up looking “five” years younger with the new color, so I was told. $98 dollars poorer, we left.

Then here comes Tristan’s girlfriend’s birthday, she is turning 18. I felt like I should get her something. Of course, I pulled up Sephora on my new laptop and found a great fragrance sampler. On the top of the screen it read that if I spend $25 more I can get free shipping. Well, I did really want that mascara that promises to make people think you have false eyelashes. I tried some of Emily’s and it made my lashes look like they had been glued on.  $78 poorer, order confirmed.

Feeling guilty about my purchases I went to the liquor store to get wine.  After perusing and brooding the selection, I ended up punishing myself with a box of Franzia, $13.99.