I don’t know what to say about the last month. I realized that it has only been a little over 30 days since I filed the divorce papers and John decided to go to therapy.
I must say I was a bit disappointed because I was excited to get on with a new life. One without fear and dread every time I saw my husband.
Nowadays it is just plain weird. He is being nice to me. I am at the point that I feel the need to test his good mood. He hasn’t had a flair up and it’s so unusual that it’s unnerving me. I’ve heard about battered women and that as the tension builds that they just wish he would hit her and get it over with. I suppose as an emotionally abused woman maybe it is the same for me. I’m not sure.
I actually tested him. This really is not like me to rock the boat. Prepare yourself for the ridiculous…….
We’ve had the same dish brush for the last 20+ years. John refuses to throw it out. Yes, that is what you read, a dish brush. There was a fight about it a couple of years ago because I tried to throw it away. I must’ve been in a state of true mania, but there you have it, I tossed it. He went on his usual rant and dug it out of the trash. He didn’t just dig through it, he flung trash all over the floor, yelling and going on like finding this thing was a life or death emergency.
Sunday I was doing the dishes and decided to test the waters. I put the revered dish brush in the trash. Lay it right on top. Kept the cupboard open with the trash can sticking out. It was practically begging to be seen. I wanted to see his reaction.
I know he hasn’t been to the therapist for long enough to see a difference in his soul, but is the way he’s been behaving an act or is he really trying to change? Yes, my opinion of him and our marriage rested solely on an old dish brush.
He didn’t see it. I forgot about it until that night and had to unearth it from the bottom of the trash. I will try again, maybe not today or tomorrow. Maybe not with the dish brush, but I will try again.
You may be saying to yourself, “This just isn’t normal”.
And you would be right.