Lately I’ve been writing less than positive posts. While I’m trying to express a different side of myself I feel like they have fallen short of the way I really feel. I have always had to laugh things off to get through life and as I’ve gotten older it’s the only the thing that has kept me alive.
Everyday life, while medicated and feeling so much better being leveled out, is still a tremendous struggle. I am who I am. That will not change. I still suffer from general anxiety, social anxiety, lack of confidence and all the things left in the wake of living a life of undiagnosed mental illness in a cruel world.
Don’t get me wrong I know I am very funny (wink) and I would never deprive the world of that.
It just helps to reveal one’s real self sometimes a little bit. (Yeah, that was convincing). I’m obviously still resistant. I am used to the mask. I’m used to acting my way through life. Watching, learning and mimicking other people’s reactions to things.
Right now, writing this and then eventually posting it has me feeling very exposed.