Category: Funny

Broken Record

Published on by cmglife

I’m proud to announce that an old record was broken tonight! My old record was getting two children and I ready for work and school from bed to out the door  in 30 minutes flat. That includes hair straightening and breakfast!

This is my new record:

4:15   Left for the Physical Therapist appointment scheduled for 4:30.

4:45   Therapist was late. I told him Allison has to be at piano lessons at 5:30.

“How far is it?” he asks.

“Five minutes”, I reply.

“I’ll get you there,” he reassures me confidently.

“Maybe too confidently?” I think nervously.

The therapist called the aide in and they began to “tag team” each shoulder. Handing me some green lens “laser” glasses, the aide started the laser treatment on one shoulder while the therapist began some sort of “gwashing” (phonetically spelled) on the other shoulder. Then they switched.

After ten minutes of that, they began the “electrode” therapy. I wish I could give you the actual medical terminology of these treatments, but would you really care anyway?

5:20   Their bell dinged, time enough to get my coat on and drive across the parking lot to the piano lessons.

5:25   Dropped Allison off at piano lessons.

5:26   Drove to Hobby Lobby to get a poster board for Allison’s science project. Ran into a woman I know from work at the door of the store. I actually parked right next to her in the parking lot before she got out. I didn’t know there was anyone in the car and now I think I might have pissed her off because I drove in kind of fast. I was, as you know, trying to break a speed record.

In the store we exchanged pleasantries:

“Hi, Maggie, how’s it going”? I say wondering if she knew it was me who almost took her car door off.

“Just fine,” she says. Yes, I think she knew it was me.

“This is where all the cool people hang out,” I say pleasantly, feeling her coolness and realizing that was a really lame thing to say.

5:35 Drove to the grocery store and checked my watch, 25 minutes left.  I debated with myself and decided to try it. I parked as close as I could to the entrance and collected a shopping cart. I bought juice, bread, cereal, applesauce, yogurt and two packets of gold fish crackers (BOGO). No stories there, it went off without a hitch.

5:55   I arrive back at the piano lessons!

That, my friend, is a new record!

Just walking by…..

Published on by cmglife

I was just walking through the kitchen last night and this caught my eye….????

Shelly T.

Published on by cmglife

I have a friend at work that is trying to train (is that the right word?) me on how to be a better mother to my teenage son. I have never asked her in any way or form for this help nor do I think I need it. But, she has taken me under her wing and I try to pay attention. Her son is brilliant, good looking, tall, athletic and a really nice guy. We try not to roll our eyes as we hear yet another story of his amazing bigger than life accomplishments.

I don’t know how she got the impression that my role in Tristan’s life was less than adequate. It may have started with my ADD. Yes,I have ADD ( tested and everything). Now because of that I have a very hard time staying focused for long periods of time, oh who am I fooling, for ANY period of time.

My friend’s concern started at the beginning of the school year when she asked me which classes Tristan had signed up for.

“AP Chemistry,” I would say not very confidently (you know that little “up speak” we do with the last syllable). I had been told, read his schedule, etc., but was now trying desperately to remember another class. “Spanish, uh, hmm”.

She was on to a new question, “Oh, Spanish II or III?”.

“Three,” I say enthusiastically, feeling the pressure may be off. I’m not really sure if it Spanish III, but I have to prove that I am interested in my son’s education. Then I realize she may have a way of checking on this information, she is a former Assistant Principal of the high school Tristan attends. Maybe she already knows very well what he has and she’s just screwing with me.

“Who does he have?” she asks interested. And the thing is I know she is being sincere. She doesn’t see me as the bug under the microscope that I feel like.

“I would have to check his schedule, I can’t remember,” I mutter uncomfortably. I actually went so far as to print out his schedule and keep it on my desk in case she asked again, which she didn’t.

Every morning she checks in with me and asks me if I’ve checked the paper to see if Tristan has been mentioned in the sports section. He’s in soccer and they are having a really good season.

“ You’ve got to start a scrapbook. I did with Brett.”

A scrapbook? A scrapbook? I have photos from 1998 still sitting waiting to be put into an album. My granddaughter will be 3 years old before I hang her 3 month old photos and she wants me to start a scrapbook? I said she was a friend, I never said we were close.

“I don’t get the paper,” I say apologetically.

“Oh, you’ll have to get the paper, he’ll be in it all the time and you’ll want to cut out the articles for his scrapbook!”

My compliance in this matter has become a slippery slope.

The next day she brought me a “One Month Free” coupon for the Herald.