Update on my last Ketamine fusion and how it has changed my life.  I could really stop there; that says it all. 

Let me step away for a minute and count the exact days on my calendar hanging on my fridge dedicated to my depression free days from infusion to infusion.  33 days.

I try to keep in mind that ketamine is a treatment, not a cure.  I remind myself that I still have bipolar 2 and Treatment Resistant Depression (TRD).  When I remind myself of that, I think of it for a minute and then push it away. 

Occasionally, I have what I call a “dip” (my old name and feeling was “falling off a cliff”) thank God that hasn’t happened since the treatment started working. That sense of dread when a dip moment occurs, and I don’t know the reason for it.  My poor old brain leaps right to “it’s back”.

I think I’ve found an explanation. I don’t know what emotions people with healthy brains feel.  I give it some thought and come up with a few reasons.

Most likely it’s stress. Stress has always been a killer for me. 

It could be from working too much and anxiety from that. 

Worrying about money (definitely).

I’ll keep writing about the ketamine, but I really want to start writing about my day-to-day things again. My posts have been so heavy for a long time they need a little nonsense.