I began writing my blog from a need to accept my newly diagnosed self with Bipolar II. At that time, except for my marriage, that seemed to be my biggest struggle.
I wrote mostly about everyday things with a little humor. Those were good times.
My posts changed with my mother dying. The trauma of those two weeks coupled with my broken marriage wreaked havoc with my delicate emotional balance.
The next years became fraught with major life changes. My youngest daughter’s seizures, my narcissistic ex husband’s affair and the divorce.
I was thinking back to the last year and a half (which I try very hard not to do). My relationships with my children were falling apart. I was emotionally falling apart. During this turmoil I was still able to work full time and part time on the weekends, put on a happy face to the world. I had some bad moments where I was responsible. I had terrible moments that I was not. I was out of my abusive co-dependent marriage, but having withdrawals from the tiny crumbs of love that was all I had received for the last 27 years. I was 25 pounds overweight. My medicine was causing trouble and I was drinking a bottle of wine every night. To add to this pile of misery was my constant drive for perfection in everything from work, family and even the speed of my recovery. I was a mess.
Now to the present. I am 25 pounds lighter, no more drinking wine every night, medicine stable and relationships repaired.
I’ve still got a ton to fix, but I’m finally coming out the other end and I can tell my stories with humor again. I can write how I fixed and am fixing so many things.
The most important indication of my new found hope was changing all my passwords to happy words with exclamation marks!